My Life Story On Bipolar Disorder
Living with bipolar disorder hasn’t been easy — it’s a journey of extreme highs and painful lows. But through it all, I’ve discovered strength, lessons, and a deeper understanding of myself.
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The Story of Prince Lawrence's: A Journey of Loneliness, Hope, and Healing
Bipolar disorder isn’t just mood swings; it’s a constant fight between very high and very low moods. I feel like I can do anything, have a lot of energy, and have many thoughts that come to me quickly. The next thing I know, I’m full of despair and can’t find the strength to do anything. Many people in the UK who have bipolar disorders know this cycle all too well. 1.7% of people in the UK have this condition, but there is still a big gap in understanding and support. Often, the system fails to offer the necessary support, which can lead to feelings of isolation.
My story chronicles how I persevered and maintained my strength during the challenging times. I share it not only to raise awareness but also to show others that bipolar disorder doesn’t define who we are. Even when it seems impossible, we can keep going.
Please know that you are not alone if you are feeling that way. You don’t have to fight this battle alone. Get in touch, together we can find hope.
A Life Ruined by Trauma in Childhood
I had the scars of my childhood with me long before I knew what bipolar disorder was. My father’s abuse was a daily struggle. My father often hit me, but the physical pain often paled in comparison to the emotional suffering. The most severe of these beatings, which involved a fan belt, left both physical scars on my skin and profound emotional wounds within me. It was an event that made me feel unsafe and hopeless as a child.
When I grew up, these adverse things didn’t just go away. They followed me and changed how I saw the world and myself. I felt deeply unworthy, and it only got worse when bipolar disorder took over my life. The trauma from my childhood, paired with the mental health challenges I faced, made me feel like I was fighting two battles at once. These early wounds were the foundation for a lifetime of struggle with my mental health, and they left me feeling disconnected from the world.
The Problems with the Police: A Never-Ending Cycle of Abuse
Because I had bipolar disorder, I often found myself in situations where people didn’t understand my mental health. One of the hardest things about my journey was having to confront the police over and over again. I was a target for harassment because I wasn’t a member of any group or organization.
Police are very jealous, driven by their small powers over the public. They all possess a strong sense of unity and collaborate effectively. The system they operate in is one that protects them, no matter the harm they do to the public. They act out of foolish pride, driven by most joining the force for reasons unrelated to helping the community. Instead, they bring revenge, carnage, and chaos. Police are selfish and bitter and often have a hidden agenda that they never speak of. The force is corrupt, and when they present evidence in court, the judges always side with them, no matter how flawed or biased that proof may be.
I remember a time when I saw a crime happen in my neighborhood and tried to help. The police detained me for hours rather than treating me as a witness. They seemed more interested in bothering me than helping the situation. They took all of my identification and made me feel like a criminal. I was lost, confused, and hungry, but no one seemed to care. I was put in a cold cell and made to drink toilet water, and my rights were not respected.
This incident wasn’t the only time it happened. I endured years of bullying, misunderstandings, and poor treatment. The police did not show concern for my mental health problems; they simply considered me to be a nuisance. I, Prince Lawrence Barrett, have survived the police and judges because Jesus lives inside me. Despite everything, I’m still standing today.
The police may view me as a target, but I will never trust them. I know what they are capable of. But I am now stronger and more prepared than ever. The lessons I’ve learned from surviving their brutality have only made me stronger, more resilient, and ready for whatever comes next.
Abused by the System Meant to Protect
When I was at my lowest, I didn’t get help — I got handcuffs. The police treated me like a criminal, showing up in overwhelming numbers, questioning my right to own a car, and humiliating me for being mentally ill. Ambulance crews laughed at my pain, ignored my needs, and contributed to the trauma instead of easing it. I was institutionalized, sent to mental health facilities more secure than prisons, and treated as a threat instead of a patient.
Career, Marriage, and Dignity
Before the diagnosis, I had a promising life. I was well-educated, with a master’s degree. I worked with multiple UK councils and served my community. But bipolar disorder took it all. I lost my career. I lost my home. I lost my marriage. I lost my peace of mind. I became bankrupt — emotionally, financially, and spiritually. What remained was only me… and my God.
Built to Serve, Broken by Illness
I wasn’t just another face in the crowd — I worked hard, served in local government, and contributed to society. But my diagnosis didn’t just challenge me — it crushed the very life I had built with discipline and hope.
Alone in a Room Full of People
Even when surrounded by others, I felt invisible. Friends disappeared. Family turned silent. The loneliest moments came not in solitude, but in the presence of those who no longer cared to understand.
From Identity to Injustice
My condition became my label. No longer seen as a man — I became a case file, a problem, a warning sign. What I needed was healing, but what I received was profiling, paperwork, and punishment.
Reflection on Systemic Corruption: Survival and Resilience
My journey through the system has taught me that the police force is corrupt. Many people who have experienced mistreatment can attest to this reality, not just my opinion. The system isn’t about helping people; it’s about maintaining power and control. The police have a hidden agenda, one that doesn’t involve serving the public in any moral or respectful way. They’re driven by pride, selfishness, and a desire for control.
The judges are also complicit. They subsidize the corruption by accepting any evidence the police bring forward, no matter how tainted or fabricated it is. They’re also part of a larger cycle of injustice. I survived this system because I know that Jesus lives inside me. He gave me the strength to push through each challenge, no matter how difficult it seemed.
The police and judges have targeted me, but I know that my fight is far from over. But in my heart, one thing remains constant: I will not allow them to prevail.
Jesus Kept Me Alive
Faith in Christ gave me strength to survive my darkest battles.
My Voice for Justice
I speak out for those silenced by mental health injustice.
Stand With Me
Join my journey—share, support, and be part of the change.
My Brother's Unwavering Support: The One Constant
My brother was the only family member I had. How he did it, I don’t know, because where I was taken—bird rats wouldn’t even find you. It was complete isolation. The security was so I can only imagine the restrictions he faced to meet their security requirements. He was my advocate.
But my first experience with Oxleas was when they took me into their care. A bed was put in a room, and I was kept there. I observed a lot of security around me. I felt my stomach boiling with anxiety. The female doctor gave the “okay,” and then security all jumped on me. One big guy took the leading role. They pumped something into me with no explanation. From that day on, my life wasn’t mine anymore. I was controlled by the drugs. But God says, “Never worry, I’m here,” and I complied, playing the game so my brother could still seem to have access to me.
My brother had to notify Oxleas in advance before he was allowed to visit. He could never just show up; he had to follow the rules, and even then, his visits were restricted. Because he was my advocate, he had a small number of rights. That small right kept me alive.
My brother would ring, but most of the time, I was under heavy medication and could barely talk. His calls and visits were a lifeline. He never truly knew what I was going through, but his love and care kept me alive. When the entire family seemed to forget I existed while they carried on with their lives, my brother was there, fighting for mine.
The Systemic Problems of Living with Bipolar Disorder in the UK
Despite the prevalence of bipolar disorder, the burden of self-care often falls on us. Mental health services are too busy, underfunded, and often don’t meet the needs of people who are dealing with this condition. I’ve seen firsthand how the system fails those of us who struggle.
The Greenwich council turned me away when I requested assistance in finding housing. The council denied me the support I needed, despite my ongoing mental health problems. I needed a quiet space to heal myself while I battled bipolar disorder, but the council didn’t understand or care. The lack of support for those like me is not just frustrating—it’s damaging. Without the proper help, navigating life with bipolar disorder can feel like an impossible battle.
People in the UK who have bipolar disorder have a harder time because of the stigma. People with high-functioning depression or bipolar disorder are often misunderstood and called “lazy” or “difficult.” In reality, we are fighting with a scary illness that isn’t visible from the outside. Such language makes asking for help even more difficult, as we are often dismissed or ignored. The system is supposed to support us, but it often pushes us aside instead.
The Healing Power of Faith and Music
I turned to music during the times when I believed I had lost everything. Three songs became my guiding light on the dark roads ahead
- “It’s Over” by Roy Orbison is about accepting loss and starting over again no matter what!
- “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. is about finding hope and resilience during tough times, reminding individuals that they are not alone in their struggles.
- “Hold On” by Bonnie Tyler is about holding on to faith, hope, and the strength of community.
These songs were more than music; they reminded me I could keep going even when things were bad. They helped me resolve my problems and discover a way to move on. Faith, too, has been my constant source of strength. My belief in God has helped me attain peace when everything around me feels chaotic. It gave me the much-needed resilience and confidence to keep moving forward despite all the struggles.
Bipolar Disorder: A Path of Strength
Living with bipolar disorder is a journey that never ends. Some days are pleasant and some days are unpleasant. Through all of this, I learned to depend on my brother’s help, my faith, and the other little things, like the songs I mentioned, to keep me grounded. The journey is full of hardships and surprises, but I kept going, and I will never stop.
Recovery is not a linear process. Some days, the dark feels like too much. But I’ve been able to achieve a balance with the right tools, like therapy, medication, and faith. I’ve learned to pay attention to the warning signs, be mindful, and take care of myself. I have come to understand that resilience is the most important part of recovery no matter how many times I fall, I keep getting back up.
There’s hope.
There is hope if you have bipolar disorder or are dealing with high-functioning depression. You are not the only one. You don’t have to fight this battle alone. Talk to the people who care about you, find your support person (it’s vital), and always remember that you deserve love, care, and respect.
💔 Rejected by the People I Loved
The deepest pain didn’t come from strangers — it came from my own family.
When I needed love the most, they turned away.
I was excluded, ignored, and abandoned.
They celebrated birthdays, posted pictures, and lived their lives — but never asked if I was even alive.
Only my brother stood by me during my worst moments. If not for him, I may not have survived. But even he couldn’t carry the weight of it all.